Having lived in Asia for 17 years, I still geek out over news articles tracking cultural and political trends of the continent. In April, The New York Times published an article entitled The New Taiwan Tensions in which it stated:
“President Biden may need to choose between making a more formal commitment to Taiwan’s defense or tempting China to invade.”
Much of the United State’s access to China since President Nixon’s historic visit in 1972, was founded on the idea of strategic ambiguity. Strategic ambiguity was the US’s refusal to acknowledge Taiwan’s right to self-governance in its relationship with Beijing while simultaneously seeking to protect the island from being invaded. It was helpful 50 years ago in walking a political tightrope, but the lack of clarity grows more costly as China’s power increases.
In the past month, I’ve thought a lot about strategic ambiguity in my life.
What tightropes did I walk growing up?
Where did a lack of clarity about what was happening help me survive?
What truths in my story do I want to leave unacknowledged but also protect myself from?
In what ways is refusing to “choose a side” in telling my story as an adult cost me deeper relationships in the present?
I’m always grateful when clients are honest about the difficult fork in the road that comes when they are clear about their story. Shifting their focus from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what happened to me?” creates a painful dilemma. To name the harm in their homes growing up feels like it invites them to shift the blame onto theri family for how they struggle. I often remind them they aren’t blaming, only naming. In the naming of what others, often their parents, did (or did not do) they invite all the characters in their story to be more human. The naming helps them turn from self loathing towards forgiveness which opens up more loving connections with themselves and possibly with those who have hurt them.
Why Story?
Check out Brene Brown’s May 5th podcast with Oprah & Bruce Perry to hear such a great summary of how vulnerably sharing our story in community sets the trajectory for our healing path.
“If you have the best therapist in the world and you see them once a week but you have nobody else in your life the rest of the week, you’re never going to get better—relationship are the agent of change.”
Join Me!
In June, my online story membership will explore the film Searching For Bobby Fischer (1993). Themes such as competition, contempt, giftedness, underachieving as defiance and chasing phantoms will take us deeper into our own stories!
Five seats open for 90-minute virtual groups to explore our stories in community.
