Power & Tyranny in "Good Families"

March & April Overview Now Available on Substack!

Over the next two months, we’re going to dive into the DNA underneath the “traditional” family model. When caregivers have unhealed trauma, this most often means authoritarian parenting fails to provide the freedom for kids to learn and young adults to grow into their intrinsic personal power. We’ll examine cultural (not Biblical) faith-based parenting that creates family dysfunction and results in fractured relationships when, decades later, adult children exercise their delayed agency to address the lack of respect from their own parents. In extreme cases—caregivers with extreme trauma who develop a personality disorder—we see how patriarchy shapes this family model into a home where abuse and neglect run rampant.

The Low Show: March 5th in Colorado Springs

A deeply important space in my life has been a Scripture Circle I’ve belonged to for the past six years through Anam Cara Ministries. Some of my commonly used theological phrases come from Tara Owen’s deep wisdom—what the word “good” really means through the Hebrew word "Tov" (טוב), sacred generational trajectory, a whole body knowing like the Hebrew word Yada (יָדַע) and my favorite—that the Nile being turned to blood in Exodus 7 wasn’t punishment but revelation as the river reflected the reality of what it truly was—a grave sight for the babies.

Not only do I love Tara Owen’s teaching but I have benefitted from multiple ways Anam Cara connects people to spiritual community. On March 5th @ 7pm this incredible community will host Justin McRoberts and Scott Erickson for an evening of creativity, conversation, art, and real talk called The Low Show. Scott & Justin's recent book is called In The Low: Honest Prayers for Dark Seasons (A Collection of Meditations and Devotional Readings for Seasons of Depression). These kinds of honest conversations about how God works in the dark are so deeply important in our healing journey.

Tragic Transactions & Mistrust of Self

Excerpt from the free Substack article that wraps up our February theme on surviving childhood trauma:

At the heart of a “mistrust of self” is a deep mistrust of our bodies. It’s our body and its nervous system that registers the danger around us. We feel sick to our stomach, our chest is tight, our throat closes, our heart beats fast, our breathing quickens, we get tense and still with caution, and our temperature fluctuates from freezing to burning up depending on how intense the moment is. Our internal alarm bells go off, physical indicators that all is not well.

But what happens when those alarm bells never shut off? If you’ve ever been stuck in a large building while a fire alarm is misfiring, you know what you must do to stay sane. To drown out the repetitive, loud sounds you have to put on noise cancelling headphones so you can go on with life.

That’s what we do as kids. We turn down the inner dial of alarm bell volume so we can go on living with some measure of personal focus and equilibrium with our families.

Disavow & Withdraw

February’s third article on how children survive trauma inside their home is now available on Substack. Subscribe for free to get full articles sent to your inbox every Monday!

In another crazy twist of non-reality, denying ourselves helps us hold ourselves together and feel competent.

Once a child chooses to bury the parts of them that are disrupting their parent, two “good” things happen. First, they feel like everything is more steady inside of them because anything in them that is threatening closeness with their parent has been removed from their self-expression. Second, they can now function at a higher level than when all the parts of them were present on the surface and made life messy. When their negative feelings are distant, they can focus, achieve and learn what they must for approval and acceptance by an unwell caregiver.