It was a seemingly insignificant moment in January, but it rattled me with shame and confusion. It was also the event that convinced me I needed to read Ingrid Clayton’s book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes us Lose Ourselves and How to Find our Way Back.
A trusted soul had recommended the book last year when it came out and a dear client had picked it up and was raving about it. I had even started recommending it to others which broke my cardinal rule of endorsing a book I had not yet read.
I’d known about the fawn response for several years and how confusing it is for survivors of all kinds of abuse, I just didn’t think I did it anymore.
Out of contact with toxic family members for over a decade I saw myself as a direct and upfront person. I have people in my life regularly reflect to me how honest and brave I am. And yet, on a Sunday evening when a man asked me if I was still good with heading to the brewery we had planned on, I said yes when I really wanted something different.